Rose & Thorn Journal - Winter 2012
L. N. Allen’s poems have previously appeared in The Cream City Review, The Southern Review, Tundra, Tar River Poetry and Margie. Most recent poems are in Anglican Theological Review, Christianity and Literature and Barbaric Yawp. She is currently preparing for publication of a manuscript tentatively titled Be Always Coming Home.
L. N. Allen
Six Spells
freely adapted and radically abridged from Lexa Rosean’s The Supermarket Sorceress
~1~
To ward off the potential date-from-hell,
carry a turnip wherever you go.
If that doesn’t work,
try mothballs.
~2~
To tell if a woman will be true,
buy her an anklet of gold.
She must untie the gift without cutting the ribbon;
if she cuts the ribbon, she will be unfaithful.
She must open the gift without tearing the paper;
if she tears the paper, she will break your heart.
She must ask for help to fasten the clasp;
if she asks for no help, she is selfish.
To assure success,
use a long leash.
~3~
To keep a man faithful,
give him coriander,
light a white taper
and kiss him goodbye.
~4~
For a happy marriage
serve cabbage once a month.
Do not cut it; boil it whole
under a waxing moon.
If you’re arguing,
try lima beans.
~5~
To see lives of the future,
set a candle by a bowl of water,
gaze until your eyes begin to tear
while sipping saffron tea.
To see past lives,
sip peppermint.
~6~
To break a bad habit,
wrap nine feet of dental floss
waxed and flavored with mint
around a cigarette.
Tie nine knots,
say the words, pull the floss
and the habit will be broken
more or less.
Six Spells
freely adapted and radically abridged from Lexa Rosean’s The Supermarket Sorceress
~1~
To ward off the potential date-from-hell,
carry a turnip wherever you go.
If that doesn’t work,
try mothballs.
~2~
To tell if a woman will be true,
buy her an anklet of gold.
She must untie the gift without cutting the ribbon;
if she cuts the ribbon, she will be unfaithful.
She must open the gift without tearing the paper;
if she tears the paper, she will break your heart.
She must ask for help to fasten the clasp;
if she asks for no help, she is selfish.
To assure success,
use a long leash.
~3~
To keep a man faithful,
give him coriander,
light a white taper
and kiss him goodbye.
~4~
For a happy marriage
serve cabbage once a month.
Do not cut it; boil it whole
under a waxing moon.
If you’re arguing,
try lima beans.
~5~
To see lives of the future,
set a candle by a bowl of water,
gaze until your eyes begin to tear
while sipping saffron tea.
To see past lives,
sip peppermint.
~6~
To break a bad habit,
wrap nine feet of dental floss
waxed and flavored with mint
around a cigarette.
Tie nine knots,
say the words, pull the floss
and the habit will be broken
more or less.
